April II: Revision

REVISION, OR NOBODY WRITES IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME

Some writers hate revision; others love it. I fall into the latter category, but can remember dreading the revision process when spring brought not only daffodils and tulips but also the annual term paper. I just wanted to type the thing and turn it in, not go over it again and again making corrections. Part of the reason for dread was that I had to do all revision on a typewriter, which meant at least one re-type of the entire paper. (You kids with word processors don't know how lucky you are! Why, I had to haul that typewriter five miles to school every day in the snow and rain . . . oh, I'm off-topic. Sorry.)

As professional writer with a word processor, I actually like revision now, because I look forward to making my work even better. That doesn't mean it's always easy: sometimes I can tell a sentence or paragraph doesn't work, but can't figure out how to fix it. There are, however, certain problem areas that can be spotted and fixed easily. Once a writer has trained himself to look for them, revision becomes a matter of habit.

Below are two narrative paragraphs. Paragraph A below contains some common weaknesses. Notice how the words and phrases in bold type have been improved in Paragraph B. What "rule" was applied in each case? See if you can express the rule corresponding to each number in the blanks below Paragraph B.

PARAGRAPH A
It was a nice (1) Saturday afternoon. *We went to the park. (2) Then we decided to rent a paddleboat (3) and go (4) out on the lake. There were three of us on the boat. I had a Popsicle and my brother decided he wanted one but we didn't want to go all the way back to the snack bar to get him one. Dad promised to get him a Popsicle when we got (5) back to land. But my brother kept whining and reaching for mine. Finally he reached so far he fell into the lake. (6) While Dad was trying to catch him, he fell in, too. It was really funny.

PARAGRAPH B
One warm and breezy afternoon, my father, my little brother Brian, and I went to Shawnee Mission Park. Dad said, "I feel adventurous today," so we rented a paddleboat and pumped vigorously out to the middle of the lake. I was licking a cherry Popsicle, its sticky juice running down my hand. My brother whined that he wanted a Popsicle, too. "I offered to guy you one earlier, and you refused, Dad explained patiently. Not you'll have to wait until we get back." But Brian started swiping at mine behind our father's back. Then it happened: he lunged so violently he fell right off the back of the boat and splashed into the lake. "Whoa!" Dad exclaimed, and made a grab for Brian--followed by an even bigger splash! Dad got his adventure, all right.

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